


of train rides and claustrophobia

by theyeoltimate



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Claustrophobia, Fate & Destiny, First Meetings, Fluff, High School, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life, Train Rides, Trains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 10:49:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17682023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyeoltimate/pseuds/theyeoltimate
Summary: For once in his life, inside a train packed with too many people, claustrophobic Baekhyun wished for something to actually last.





	of train rides and claustrophobia

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is the first time I am posting a work here, and this is also the first time I am posting an EXO fanfic, so please _please_ be good to me. I am sorry for the errors I may have committed in this, but I still hope you will like it. :-)
> 
> you can listen to [this playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/ernestineem/playlist/2LlIxbFxptMcMVj4FH3oi3?si=XLqvEzGaRvqUJwJjzorETw) while reading.
> 
> Enjoy!

_Baekhyun was a firm believer of impermanence. He believes nothing lasts forever. Everything he has now will soon be gone, and believe it or not, for him, it was okay because that would mean he will soon leave his town, be a musician and get over his claustrophobia. However, one rainy day, inside a train, he met a tall guy with an awkward smile, and for once in his life, Baekhyun wished for something to actually last._

 

——

 

The moment Baekhyun opened his eyes, he knew something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. He had his head resting on his right arm, which is unsurprisingly sore. He was still sitting in front of his study table, where he fell asleep at dawn as he was studying for his test today. Right, he has a test today. He glanced at his wall clock, and when he saw the time, all the sleepiness left inside his system were suddenly forgotten. He will be late. He _cannot_ be late.

 

Baekhyun rushed to the bathroom to wash his face, and then quickly undressed and dressed himself up as he was listing ways inside his head on how he can arrive on time for his test. He rushed outside, and to his misfortune, it was raining. He only had three options on going to school - his bike, the bus or the train. He cannot use his bike anymore because it is raining, and even though he is willing to sacrifice a dry uniform for his test, his biking speed will not be enough to reach the school on time. He is also doubtful about the bus because since the rain is too hard, many people will be on the road, and there, surely, will be heavy traffic. The only sure choice that can bring him on time, even earlier, is the train.

 

_Thirty minutes won't kill me, right?_ he thought, as he pushed all the negative thoughts at the back of his head. _It will just be thirty minutes. It won't be that bad._

 

But Baekhyun was wrong. It was actually a bad idea to get into the train at 7:30 in the morning, even a terribly worse idea for someone with claustrophobia like him. _Rush hour. Nightmare._

 

He was already breathing heavily as he stepped foot inside the train. He imagined his thighs were a piano and started tapping his fingers as if he was playing Debussy's Clair De Lune to try to keep himself calm and steady. When he figured it was not enough, he tried Beethoven's Fur Elise, only to be more distracted by the number of people trying to squeeze themselves inside the train. When the train finally started moving, he just closed his eyes and tried to fill his head up with music he wished were the ones around him instead of all these people.

 

When they arrived at the first stop, Baekhyun let out a heavy breath and opened his eyes to see people getting off. However, after a few seconds, people, probably more number than the ones who got off, started filling in the train, and Baekhyun just closed his eyes once more.

 

"Just six more stops," he quietly mumbled, trying to compose himself.

"Hey," he heard a low voice say.

 

He was about to open his eyes to look at whoever spoke, but the train started moving, so he decided to keep them closed.

 

"Just six more stops, just six more," he repeated, over and over again like a mantra of some sort.

He then felt a soft tap on his shoulder, and heard the same voice from earlier, "Hey, are you okay?"

He just nodded, wishing the person will just leave him alone, or better, move a little away from him because he was sure they were close. He can feel the man's breath on his forehead.

_He must be really tall_ , Baekhyun thought.

 

And for a few seconds, Baekhyun forgot that he was inside a packed train and surprisingly found comfort on the air that lightly touches his forehead.

 

"You don't seem okay," he suddenly heard the same voice again. This time, however, Baekhyun lifted his head up and opened his eyes to see a tall guy with a scrunched forehead looking down at him.

"I..." Baekhyun started, but he was not sure what to say.

The guy raised his eyebrows, waiting for Baekhyun to continue speaking.

"I'm just... claustrophobic," Baekhyun replied.

 

The tall guy's wide eyes turned even wider as they wandered around the train, as if taking in what was happening to Baekhyun. The tall guy unexpectedly looked so unsure and confused.

 

"Uhm, it's okay," Baekhyun said, and it was weird because he was now the one trying to calm this boy.

"What do you mean 'okay'? You're in a train, and there are people. There are so many people, and you are claustrophobic and you say you are okay? How are you even holding up?" the guy blurted a little faster than usual, and Baekhyun just found himself laughing.

 

Baekhyun was laughing. And the tall guy was right. He is in a train, and there are so many people, and he is claustrophobic, so how can he say he was okay? But he _is_ okay. He _is_ even _laughing._

 

"I am okay now," Baekhyun clarified, "I wasn't a while ago, but I think I am feeling better now."

"Oh, all right," the tall guy replied, and he gave Baekhyun a smile.

 

It was the most awkward, yet most beautiful smile Baekhyun has ever seen.

 

But the tall guy was quick and moved a little farther from Baekhyun. Suddenly, there was no more comforting breaths touching his forehead, and he was instantly more aware of the number of people around him, and it felt so suffocating. So Baekhyun did the one thing he thought can save him. He grabbed the tall boy's arm.

 

The tall boy turned to him with a questioning look, and Baekhyun knew he had to explain himself.

 

"C-Can you... stay? H-here?" Baekhyun pleaded, his voice breaking.

The tall boy did not answer, but he stepped back and moved closer to Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun immediately felt the tall boy's breath again, blowing through his hair and his forehead. He was about to close his eyes, when the tall boy spoke.

 

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, "Because you are so pale."

"I-I am. Just please..." Baekhyun answered, "Please be here."

The boy was sure Baekhyun was going to faint anytime, so he let go of his backpack straps and held Baekhyun's shoulders.

"Do you need me to do anything?" he asked.

 

If Baekhyun thought a few seconds ago that the boy's breath can give him comfort, he was sure that his voice can take away whatever struggle he is in now. That deep voice was solace.

 

"Is it okay for, uhm, us to... talk?" Baekhyun softly said, almost a whisper.

The tall guy did not answer. He just looked at Baekhyun, and the latter was not sure what that look meant.

"I am sorry. I should not have asked. I am a bother, right? I'll just, uhm--"

"No, no. It's okay. If it helps, we can talk. If it can distract you, you know," the tall boy said to cut him off, and for the second time, he smiled.

Baekhyun found himself smiling back.

 

So for the next few minutes of that awful train ride, Baekhyun and the tall boy talked. No, Baekhyun never forgot the number of people around him which were too much, he never forgot the number of times his shoulders would bump into someone else's or the way someone would accidentally tug into his backpack. But it did not bother him because all he can think of were the number of times the boy's chest would almost bump into his face, and the way he would hold Baekhyun's shoulders and look him in the eye whenever Baekhyun would suddenly realize that he is in the middle of all these people.

 

"When I was in elementary school, I once went home crying," the tall guy started.

Baekhyun looked at him curiously, "Were you bullied?"

Baekhyun heard a chuckle, "No. It was actually a funny story."

"What happened?" he asked.

"I used to walk home from school with a boy in my class," the tall boy said. "But you see, our house was a little far, and in the middle of walking, I suddenly heard my stomach rumble and it felt so uncomfortable. I knew I had to use the toilet."

 

Baekhyun had to keep himself from laughing because they have not even reached the good part yet.

 

"Of course, I was so shy to tell my classmate, so we just kept walking, but when we were already very near, I was not able to control it."

"And then, what?" Baekhyun asked in disbelief. "It came out?"

The tall boy blushed at Baekhyun's reaction before nodding.

"And my friend was walking before me, so when he noticed I stopped walking, he looked back and asked me what was wrong," he continued, "But I did not know what to say, so I just cried and told him to go."

"You are so..." Baekhyun said and paused a little to think of the right word, "so unbelievable."

"He went before me, and I followed when he was a few steps ahead," the tall boy said, smiling cutely at Baekhyun, "I arrived home crying, and my mom did not know what to do, so she promised to pick me up everyday from school starting then."

Baekhyun giggled, imagining how cute this boy must be during elementary school. "That wasn't so unfortunate."

 

At that moment, Baekhyun wished for two things. He wished he was right in believing that nothing is permanent in the world because he wished his claustrophobia will just leave him be for the rest of his life, so he can ride trains more often. But he also wished he was wrong - that some things can remain. He wished for that exact moment - inside a packed train, with the tall boy with an awkward smile and an enormous backpack - he wished for it to please, _please_ last.

 

"I always had bruises when I was a kid," the tall boy spoke, starting another story.

"Are you really sure you weren't bullied?" Baekhyun replied.

"I told you I wasn't," the boy answered, "I was the tallest in our class, so whenever we had to arrange seats, I was always placed at the back. But I am not really tall when sitting. I am all legs."

 

Baekhyun laughed because it was true. The boy was three-fourths legs and one-fourth everything else. He was biting his lip, waiting for the latter to continue, but the tall boy looked confused as the announcer was notifying passengers of the fifth stop.

 

"Hey," Baekhyun called. "What's wrong?"

The boy turned to him, and shook his head, "Nothing. I just thought this train ride was rather fast."

Baekhyun just shrugged. Of course he had no idea. It was the first time he rode the train.

 

The tall boy continued his story on how he would always fall from his seat because he was trying to see what was written on the board, and he was too shy to ask his teacher to transfer him to another seat. But because he fell too many times, in the end, the teacher decided to put him in front to watch over him.

 

"I realized that even our misfortunes will in turn give us something good, you know," he told Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun could not help but nod, and was about to reply how he thought riding the train that day was a misfortune, but it turned out it was not when he met him, but the announcer suddenly notified their arrival at the seventh station.

 

"This is my stop," he told the tall boy.

"Oh," the latter answered.

 

He was about to say goodbye, but the tall boy walked out of the train with him.

 

"I did not know you're getting off here, too," Baekhyun said.

The tall boy shook his head, "I was supposed to get off two stations before this, but I couldn't just leave you there."

 

Baekhyun felt his face heat up from embarrassment.

 

"I'm so sorry. I really bothered you, didn't I? I am really sorr-"

"I loved it," the tall boy said, flashing a smile, "I loved talking to you. It wasn't a bother."

 

Baekhyun knew he was blushing, but he could not stop himself.

 

"I really need to go now," the boy uttered, "I have to catch the train going back."

Baekhyun smiled, "I'm really sorry. And thank you."

 

Baekhyun and the boy parted ways there. Somehow, Baekhyun's wishes came true, however, not in the way he wanted. Spending time with the tall boy was his proof of impermanence, and the one thing that will remain, probably forever in his life, was his fear of confined and crowded places.

 

After that fateful day, Baekhyun felt like he was always looking for something. He would find himself unconsciously looking around every time he passes by the train station. He was confused, and denied it for a long time, but he knew deep inside that all this time, he was looking for a tall boy with the most beautiful smile he knew.

 

_How can I find him when I do not even know his name,_ he would always think, but he always, still, looks.

 

Baekhyun would look for him on alleyways and even on windows of random houses he would pass by. He would look for him on the corner of streets and on coffee shops and libraries. He would look for him on railway crossings and foot bridges, even when he knew he would not be at any of those places.

 

After a while, Baekhyun learned to accept that maybe they were not meant to see each other again. _Maybe it was a one time, one meeting kind of thing_ , he would think. Maybe it was supposed to be a once in a lifetime encounter. _It was a magic moment_. Maybe the magic only works once.

 

\--

 

When Baekhyun opened his eyes, he immediately knew something was wrong. He was sitting on his bedroom's carpet, and his head was resting on his bed. He probably fell asleep last night when he tried to rest after practicing for his audition today. Right, he has an admission audition today in his dream university for college, and he cannot be late.

 

After preparing, he hurriedly grabbed his backpack, and opened the door to leave the house. It was sunny today, however, the university is too far for him to use his bicycle. And judging by the time, the bus is not a good option either because the nearest bus stop from the university is not _that_ near, and he would still have to walk. So he is left with no choice but to take the train.

 

_I have done this before_ , Baekhyun thought to himself. _It won't be that bad._

 

But of course, just like his first train ride, it was a bad idea. Half past seven in the morning is still the rush hour, and Baekhyun still has claustrophobia.

 

The moment Baekhyun entered the vehicle, his breathing was already uneven. He imagined his thighs were a piano, and decided to practice his piece through tapping his fingers on imaginary keys, but it was not enough, so he just closed his eyes.

 

When the train stopped to signal their arrival at the first station, Baekhyun did not bother opening his eyes. If he did, he might just faint right there and then. He was thinking how everything that was happening felt so close to his first train ride, but his thoughts were quickly interrupted by a deep voice.

 

"Hey," the familiar voice called, and Baekhyun almost laughed to himself as to how delusional he has become.

_So much for déjà vu_ , Baekhyun thought, and decided to not mind where the voice came from.  _Maybe fear can make you hear things._

 

However, he felt a comforting breath of air touching his forehead lightly, and it was too familiar for him not to pay attention anymore, so Baekhyun opened his eyes. And Baekhyun never knew how much he was longing for a pair of brown eyes, and a scrunched forehead until he laid his eyes on them for the second time in his life.

 

"Are you okay?" the tall boy asked knowingly.

Even though Baekhyun has so much to say, he knew he should answer the boy first, but his mouth had other plans. He spoke the sentence he had been wanting to ask all this time, "What's your name?"

The tall guy was a little shocked at the question, but still, he answered, "Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol."

Baekhyun sighed in relief. _Finally_.

"Chan-Chanyeol," Baekhyun called even though the tall boy's eyes never left him, "I am Byun Baekhyun."

Chanyeol nodded before speaking, "Baekhyun."

 

Baekhyun was so certain it was the most beautiful way his name was ever spoken.

 

"Are you okay, Baekhyun?" Chanyeol asked.

 

Baekhyun has not yet forgotten that he is inside a packed train where people are almost squeezing themselves in. He has never forgotten how many shoulders have bumped his or how many feet have accidentally stepped over his toes. He has never forgotten that he is claustrophobic. But Baekhyun knew so well how he was feeling, and he was definite that the ramming of his heart inside his chest was not because he was terrified of the spaces (or lack thereof) between people or the fact that he is confined inside this vehicle. Baekhyun knew the rapid heartbeats meant something else.

 

And when Chanyeol flashed his awkward smile, Baekhyun did not care anymore about impermanence or the impossibility of constancy. He did not care anymore whether he will be claustrophobic for the rest of his life, or whether he will see this boy in front of him again. Because at that specific instance, when Chanyeol was smiling and his eyes met Baekhyun's, the latter knew he has never been so sure about something else in his life than how certain he was about how he was feeling at that moment.

 

"Yes, I'm fine," Baekhyun finally replied, smiling back at Chanyeol, "Perfectly, now."

 

**_fin_.**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reaching this point! I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing this. I would really love to know what you think about this fic, so I would really appreciate your comments. Thank you so much! :-)
> 
> let's be friends? talk to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/theyeoltimate), and ask me questions on [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/theyeoltimate)!


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